Wanted a husband,--there's plenty, 'tis said,
All through the district, who wish to get wed;
Dark men and fair men, and little and tall--
Some with large stations, and others with small;
But as the sample, to meet my opinions,
Often is scarce in the British dominions,
I've hit on a plan to obtain my desire,
Advertising minutely the man I require.
Please to take notice,--he must not be lean,
Nor fat, but an average sample between;
He must not be crooked, nor cranky, nor bold,
Not stupid, nor sheepish, nor stingy, nor old;
He must not be noisy, nor sulky, nor snappy,
But anxious to make his dear "better half" happy;
He must not be one of a talkative turn,
But willing at all times to listen and learn,--
And wishful to please me in all my requiring,
To make himself generally useful--desiring;
His voice must be sharp, but not squeakingly high;
And any who smoke, do not need to apply.
His hair must be dark, with a natural curl,
And his teeth strait and even--the colour of pearl;
His whiskers extensive, and black as his hair,
His skin not too dark, nor yet womanly fair,
And his nasal appendage be lengthy and strong.
To bear roughish handling, in case he does wrong!
Then his pocket,--which means the amount of his cash,
Apart from the stock of his I. O. U. trash1,--
This must surely be large, as my fortune is small--
Consisting, indeed, of no money at all;
But, then, its well known that a portionless wife
Is always the best for a peaceable life;
And it surely is plain, as my purse is so low,
His purse must be full, or 'twill soon be "no go;"
And, then, to avoid any future mistake,
He must his "dear wife" the sole purse-keeper make!
Now, having thus very precisely narrated
With what sort of husband I wish to be mated,
If any one thinks he will do for my use,
He may look in his glass, and he'll see a great goose!
Moreton Bay Courier, 12 August 1848, p3.
1Brisbane did not have a bank until the late 1840s, so a lot of trade took the form of I.O.Us, that were swapped between parties, but not valued like cash.